Dear Auction website that keeps sending me threatening emails,
I simply wanted to write to commend you on your advertising choices/possible target demographic. You see, I work with a population of homeless/formerly homeless folks, whom often come to see me regarding healthcare, social security income, housing issues, etc. Not today. Today one of my favorite residents — I know, I know, I am not supposed to have favorites, but I am a case manager, not a priest…(side note: do priest get to have favorites??)
Today however, Mr. G came in to see me with a very urgent matter. I obviously stopped what I was doing, the case plan that I was writing could wait. He shared with me that he was watching “the funnies” on his Time Warner Cable last night and saw a commercial that he knew was perfect for me. So he quickly grabbed his notebook to write it down. The website was called “veezid.comswim” — yes, this is how he spelled it.
He told me you had to have access to the internet to use it, which was how he knew the Lord wanted it for me and asked if we could look it up together. Quite skeptically I obliged. After roughly 20 minutes of every possible spelling combination (and well, dropping the “swim” at the end), we found your site (thanks google predictive search engine). Turns out you are an auction site, which is actually something I enjoy, as I am quite competitive (applause to you). He showed me a diamond necklace that he was dying to get for me — all I needed to do was put in my credit card info and he would do the bidding (typical male).
I spent the following 30 minutes explaining (several times over) to Mr. G why we would not be executing this plan, “even though it was a very sweet idea and the necklace is just beautiful.” He eventually left, disappointed that I was missing out on a great opportunity to buy myself a diamond necklace.
All this to say, making a long story short, yada, yada, Auction website that keeps sending me threatening emails , I want to encourage you — given that I have never heard of you, (quite frankly I do an embarrassingly significant amount of online shopping) there are a million scams on the internet in our current day and age which might make one skeptical of paying the upfront dues you require for the permission to bid on your items (one being a “subscription” that allows you to bid for free, which LOOKS like a flat screen TV based on picture alone), you can rest assured that there are still people out there sweet and innocent enough to believe that your site just might be their ticket to a diamond necklace.
Utterly and Sincerely Yours,