pants on fire.

I hate lying.  It makes me shaky and red, not to mention I have been told I talk higher when I do.  I didn’t mean to do it, I lied at work today.  I was stuck and clearly had no other choice.

You see, I have a resident named Mr. D, whom comes in everyday angry about something.  He’s funny, in fact, he’s hysterical.  He is constantly (laughingly) telling me I am useless.  Sometimes I fear he is only laughing so that I don’t cry, but whatever, I will take what I can get.  For some reason, when Mr. D says something nice to me I revel in it for a bit longer.  More so than say, The Preacher Man (Mr. G), whom has a compliment to give everyone (bless his heart).

For weeks Mr. D has been telling me he is going to make his famous banana pudding, consistently following up it up with, “and you can’t have any!”  Although one might be hurt by this, I have not pushed the issue, as it doesn’t sound like anything I’d like to eat.  Yesterday however, Mr. D came in, handed me a LARGE Tupperware of banana pudding, stated angrily that I needed to eat the entire thing because I was too skinny and that I better not even think of keeping the Tupperware – he would be collecting it back the following day.  I shouted a thank you as he stormed out.

After Mr. D left I sat down with the fork he brought me and the Tupperware thinking, “Welp, I better get to it…” I took one bite and realized this was not the dessert for me.  Although I enjoy the yellow fruit on occasion, I usually find banana desserts to taste like the belong in the Weight Watchers section at your local grocery store.  Quite frankly, unless something actually is diet and better for you, it surely should not taste calorie-restricted.

It took about 4 choked-down bites for me to begin questioning myself.   “He can’t order me around!”  “Why am I letting him bully me??!!” “I have stopped a man with a knife and I am afraid to tell Mr. D that I don’t want this dang pudding??!!”

So with that I decided that eating the pudding was positively absurd and I would state for him clearly, concisely and politely that although I appreciated the gesture, I just could not finish it all.  I was a little nervous at what would be his reaction, but I am tough, I can take it!  Right!?!  Right.  Go me.

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Tuesday Morning — 8:37am

Mr. D: Miss R., good morning.  Give me my Tupperware.  I bet you liked my pudding  Did you eat it all like I told you to??

Me: Yep.  Every last bite.  Thanks and here’s your fork.

Oops.