baby it’s cold outside.

Being the Southern California native that I am, I tend to get cold pretty easily (especially my extremities).   It was a cold morning this morning — listen non-californians, 40 degrees IS cold, even if your 15 degree weather is colder.   I don’t want to hear that I am a wimp for freezing in said conditions, okay?!  Thank you. — and I decided that I should wear my fingerless gloves to work (as everyone knows it’s impossible to really do anything in normal gloves).  Before getting out of my car I grabbed a bag of clothes that I had been trying to sell to a resale shop at lunchtime.  As I was walking into my building one man looked at me, gave me a chuckle and kept walking, as another two women started snickering and whispering to one another.  Recognizing that this joke was clearly on me, I smiled and said, “Go ahead Ms. W., what’ve you got for me?”  To which she replied, “Now Miss R., you have heard the theory that says people who get married start to emulate and look like one another, right?”  I nodded, as she went on, “Well, I think that same theory is happening to you – LOOK at yourself, you got on homeless gloves and are carrying a ripped trash bag full of old clothes!  You need money??  I can give you money to get some real gloves and a duffel bag if you need….otherwise Miss R. please, PULL IT TO-GETHER.”

She may actually have a point.

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baby daddy.

Today I was standing outside of my building and two younger looking (as in, not 65) men came walking toward me down the street.  I saw one nod in my direction and smile.  His buddy looked up and then turned to his friend with an I-am-really-clever smile and said, “Hey man, where’s your toupee??”  Laughing the other responded with, “Man!  Where’s your KIDS??!!  I may need a toupee, but I bet she want a bald man over a daddy!!”

court adjourned.

I have one resident whom I have the same conversation with everyday:

“Hi!  Miss R., How was Judge Judy today?”

“Mr. M., I still don’t know what you’re talking about, I have never seen an episode of Judge Judy.”

“You are so silly, you told me it was your favorite show.”

“Mr. M., I promise I never said that, you are certain it was me?”

At this point he recounts for me the time and place in which I told him this tidbit of information about myself — I have heard the story so many times I have actually started to believe that Judge Judy is in fact my favorite hour of the day.

I am afraid Judge Judy may be insane.

graceful rejection.

To give a little back-story before sharing today’s incident, I should tell you that I usually claim to have a boyfriend when talking to most of my residents or other patrons of Skid Row, as it makes it easier to ward off any advances with a polite smile and say something to the effect of, “Well, I am not sure my boyfriend would like that…”  Today however I felt a bit more snarky — maybe because it was Monday or maybe because due to the rain some of the local smells were a bit more pungent than usual….

“Miss R., you are just too beautiful, I simply have to date you.”

“Mr. K., you are just too old, I simply have to say NEVER!”

At this point I became slightly worried that he may snap back, but instead he began singing show tunes in what was a very baritone (and fairly pleasant) voice.

Gentlemen, take notes — THAT is how you take rejection.

Color me impressed.

happy half-hanukkah.

“Miss R., do you eat ham?”

“No, I don’t like it.”

“Oh right, because you are Jewish.”

“Well, I am really only half Jewish and I don’t really practice Jewish customs.”

“Oh okay, I get it – so your stomach is Jewish, but the rest of you isn’t?”

“Hmmm yes, something like that.”

 

this picture is not very relevant to the story, but still really funny.