Grocer: You work with homeless people? You must be so proud of yourself.
Me: I am proud of myself, but not for that …I’m proud that when listening to the radio this morning I couldn’t follow what they were talking about because I haven’t watched a single episode of The Bachelorette this season.
One of my residents and I were talking about hypothetically writing a romantic comedy — we decided that the sweetest thing either of us could say would be “before I met you I digested all my food like normal, now I can’t stop going to the bathroom.”
(I hope you were sitting down when you read that, as I am certain you swooned and got a little lightheaded)
A few minutes later, with food in his beard, he told me that there’s been some talk and people have started to notice that I never brush my hair and he thinks it’d be best for me to squash the rumors by running a comb through it.