slim, fast.

Every Monday afternoon I run to the Blockbuster Express, throw some popcorn in the microwave, grab some beverages, dim the lights and have what I like to call a “media group” with my residents.  Most would call this a movie group, but I prefer “media” because it makes it sound like I am doing more than just watching a movie, on the clock.

In doing this the last couple of years I have gotten a couple complaints, mainly regarding my choices of movies.  The coolest my residents ever thought I was, was after running down the street and grabbing a bootleg copy of True Grit from a man on the street.  The uncoolest they ever thought I was, was when I cried uncontrollably at the end of The Proposal (get off my back, Betty White reminded me of my grandma).  I have been teased for owning and showing every Denzel Washington Movie, as well as anything with an inspirational or baseball theme.  I have also been accused of choosing movies that only I want to watch Charlie St. Cloud (“too sappy” yet, they loved it and I hated it) , Bull Durham (“we’d rather watch something about basketball”– too bad, it’s my favorite movie) , Fever Pitch (“you only want to watch it because Jimmy Fallon is your dream guy in that flick” — eh, true), etc.

This week however I grabbed some shoot-em-up movie (I honestly cannot even remember what it was I was so uninterested), knowing that this would please the masses and it did — what did not however, was the refreshments.  The conversation went a little something like this:

(pausing the movie)

Mr. TD: Miss R, we need to talk to you.

Me: What?!  Why??  I picked this movie for YOU, I didn’t even want to watch this junk and now you are gonna get on me about it???

Mr. TD: No, no, no — the movie was a great choice and we wanted you to know that first….BUT…we have a concern.

(rest of the group nods)

Well, you see…we think it’s really nice that you bring us snacks for the movie and we really do appreciate that you try to make it nice and what not, but we are concerned about the lemonade you make sometimes….

Me: Do you not like it?  I mean, that’s okay, I can buy something different….

Mr. TD: No, that’s not it.  You see, we DO like the lemonade, the brand is fine, all is fine…except well, maybe you could ask Miss C. to make it with you??

Me: Hmmm…I am not following — I mean, I am sure she would help, but it’s not a huge burden, I don’t mind doing it alone.

Mr. TD: We know you don’t mind but….


Mr. RL: Listen Miss R, you are real sweet and we like you and all, but the fact is, you weigh about 115 soaking wet (not true, but I’ll take it) and until you made us this lemonade, we weren’t sure why you weren’t gaining any weight and well, NOW WE DO.

Me: Ok, I am still totally lost — what do you want me to do here??

(another chimes in)

Mr. KC: MISS R.  Listen.  You need to either start adding sugar to this nasty-a** lemonade you are making or ask Miss C. to make it for us, she clearly likes her calories, because as it stands, this is disgusting!  We are not dieting,  give us some freaking sugar, woman!

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